I can honestly say that there has been at least one time I quit working out over the last ten years because I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror at the gym. I know that sounds terrible and that is no excuse but it was just what happened. I admit that I never feel bad after working out. There is such a high and feeling of euphoria that envelopes me after a great workout. That great feeling also turns into a little bit of confidence over time. I start to feel stronger, I get better sleep, the hope returns that I can do this, I even don't mind putting on a little make-up. The bottom line is....I really like the way I feel when I am working out and eating right. I also realize that I have spent many years hating myself for letting it get this bad. I avoided fell length mirrors, hid from the public as much as possible because there are so many factors out of my control that can remind me of how large and out of shape I am in. (Seats I can't fit in or afraid to break, little kids asking their mommy how come she is so fat, walking, running into people who have NEVER seen me this way, etc.) Because I don't have a home gym and I do enjoy working out on the machines at a gym, I have to deal with the fact there are MIRRORS EVERYWHERE!! So this is what happens......I am feeling good working out and being happy with my progress and I am walking towards the hand weights and go to sit down on a bench to do curls and I see how large I am. For some reason, seeing my body in the gym mirror really sets me off. I don't want to be reminded how far I have to go or what I look like right now......because the way I am feeling inside is CONFIDENT, HEALTHY, COMMITTED, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, etc., and the reality and the reminder of what I have done to my body KILLS ME!! It really can and has derailed me at times. I understand that mirrors are important for working on form and making the gym appear larger, and maybe other reasons I am not aware of, but I don't like them. I recognize that part of this journey is about self-acceptance and learning to love myself as much now as when I do meet my weight-loss, fitness and health nutrition goals. But I just have to say the way I feel inside and my outward appearance are not aligned and I don't know the strategies needed to put those two in sync. Here's me working on weights and enjoying the fact that in one area of the gym, there is a large rack of weights in front of the mirror. LOVE IT!!!
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