Day 331....."Because I'm Happy!!"

Day 331...."Because I'm Happy!!"

I am really conflicted.  I want to be honest and transparent about just how lonely, afraid, desperate, mad, etc., I have been over the last 4-5 months but I really don't want to go there. I am incredibly happy at the moment. I do have lots to be sad about: gaining 81 pounds back in a matter of 3-4 months, falling off the wagon HARD, letting myself down and everyone around me BUT....I can't live in that darkness at the moment. I have done some intensive therapy the last month. One of the many important things I have learned is that negative thought patterns create negative energy...PERIOD. (I know I have heard it a thousand times already). So let's just get real and know that gaining that amount of weight in that short amount of time is ABSOLUTELY lethal and you can imagine what my life looked like during that time. I choose life and now with the mental part being worked on, I feel unstoppable. I no longer have to burden my trainer and nutritionist anymore with my mental anguish (although, they never once made me feel I was burdening them).

Working out....check.
Eating clean......check.
Working on my mind.....check.

Happy!!!!

I am so looking forward to my body reflecting my athletic, active, adventurous, sexy, fun spirited, youthful, caring, loving, etc.,.... mind, heart and spirit.

I had the best time with friends this weekend in San Francisco.

Day 330.... Forty-seven week snapshot.

Day 330..... Forty-seven week snapshot.

Stats: Journey start date 10/8/14. Today's date 8/30/15. Age 41, Height 5'8",  Starting Weight 378.  Current Weight 358. Total weight loss 20 lbs. Measurements starting/current. Waist 56"/56.5". Hips 70"/67". Bust 56"/55". Right Thigh 34"/33.5". Left thigh 34"/33.5". Right arm 19"/18.5". Left arm 21"/19".  Right calf 24"/22". Left calf 24"/22".  10/8/14 Body fat 56%. 

Keeping up with the days and weeks I have been on this journey is getting confusing and complicated. My highest was in 2013 at 430 pounds. I have lost one hundred pounds two times now. But I haven't kept it off. There is one component that I have not addressed since being on this journey...and that is the mental aspect. I have worked on the fitness and worked on the nutrition but now I have completed two of three levels of an intensive transformation training that has been super helpful in getting me back on track and to this point.

I chose a different outfit to show my weekly snapshots until I get back to a new low. I will then go back to the other blue shirt/black pants outfit.

Day 317.....Where have I been???

Day 317......Where have I been???

It has been almost three months. Truly.....I have started this blog post over several times tonight. I have even tried to write it for a several weeks. Heavy sigh.....  I just don't know what to say or where to start. I have so much to say, yet I can't find the flow of thought. I do feel I have found a clearer path on my journey than the path I was on the last three months. It is a good thing.

A quote from my friend Amina. 💜

"People you LOVE deserve the happiest and most fulfilled version of you!"

I also had several pictures of quotes and such, but why not show a picture of myself with a smile? I am alive, on this journey, taking one day at a time. After all, I feel renewed and ready to continue this weight loss journey while discovering how to be comfortable in my own skin and live in the moment.