I am really conflicted. I want to be honest and transparent about just how lonely, afraid, desperate, mad, etc., I have been over the last 4-5 months but I really don't want to go there. I am incredibly happy at the moment. I do have lots to be sad about: gaining 81 pounds back in a matter of 3-4 months, falling off the wagon HARD, letting myself down and everyone around me BUT....I can't live in that darkness at the moment. I have done some intensive therapy the last month. One of the many important things I have learned is that negative thought patterns create negative energy...PERIOD. (I know I have heard it a thousand times already). So let's just get real and know that gaining that amount of weight in that short amount of time is ABSOLUTELY lethal and you can imagine what my life looked like during that time. I choose life and now with the mental part being worked on, I feel unstoppable. I no longer have to burden my trainer and nutritionist anymore with my mental anguish (although, they never once made me feel I was burdening them).
Working out....check.
Eating clean......check.
Working on my mind.....check.
Happy!!!!
I am so looking forward to my body reflecting my athletic, active, adventurous, sexy, fun spirited, youthful, caring, loving, etc.,.... mind, heart and spirit.
I had the best time with friends this weekend in San Francisco.
Be happy! Always.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Betty