I don't want to go to the gym again tonight, but I did. What I would rather go to the gym for.....is a good old fashion "Tribathalon!" You know what that is....A steam room sesh, a jacuzzi, and finally a nice hot shower. Ahhhhh......now only if that could work off 700 calories. Ha ha ha ha!! To be honest, I have not been feeling it lately. I have a lot on my mind. I am no longer going to be ordering my meals, I will be shopping for, preparing and cooking my own food starting this weekend. I canceled my meal program the other day and I am nervous. I am also just CRANKY!! It is a bunch of things weighing on my mind and in the past, I would just anesthetize myself with food and sleep. I am having to actually cope with my feelings rather than SHOVE them down with food and escape the ICKY feeling. I could honestly go on a serious rant but sometimes I feel that if I give into the feeling and really let it out, then I am just falling into that pattern of feeling sorry for myself. So....I will just say that being single is LONELY, being so overweight and forty really sucks, switching careers and starting my profession so late equates to a smaller paycheck meant for a 20 something, when I lose the weight I am going to have so much loose skin and my body will never look like a 20 something again, I have really damaged my body and took it for granted, and finally, facing the possibility that because I am so old.....I may never have my own child. These feeling rear their ugly head at times and I just want to cry, SCREAM, throw things, wish for a time machine, etc.
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