Day 339....Painting on a hike.

Day 339....Painting on a hike.

I am still very much living high on life. I went on a small hike with a canvas and watercolors. Why not do a little painting on your morning hike??? Right?? Try it. I have always enjoyed the view on beautiful hikes but to take a moment, remove the headphones, stop the music and really look at the details of the view...wow... now that is a sweet, peaceful moment. I am living.

Day 337..... Forty-eight week snapshot.

Day 337.... Forty-eight week snapshot.

Stats: Journey start date 10/8/14. Today's date 9/6/15. Age 41, Height 5'8",  Starting Weight 378.  Current Weight 340 Total weight loss 38 lbs. Measurements starting/current. Waist 56"/53.5". Hips 70"/66". Bust 56"/55". Right Thigh 34"/33.5". Left thigh 34"/33.5". Right arm 19"/18.5". Left arm 21"/19".  Right calf 24"/22". Left calf 24"/22".  10/8/14 Body fat 56%. 

Day 334......Transforming.

Day 334....Transforming.

Level three starts tomorrow. There are three levels to my transformative training and I am soooooo excited. I know I am able to transform my physical body and my eating habits, but transforming the way I think is a MUST for me to continue this journey the way I know I can. Global Harmony, you are truly a big part of Team Tracy.

Day 333.....Living with Integrity.

Day 333....Living with Integrity.

I have spent so long being in denial, not accepting myself, trying to overcompensate because of my weight, trying to hide my eating habits, living with regrets, and never really living. There are messages that say similar things, "you are only as sick as your secrets." I had never fully recognized the amount of conversation with lack of integrity that goes on inside my head until embracing the current therapy I am receiving. There are many things I hear that embrace the same thought.... If you are going to workout, then set a manageable goal. Ask yourself realistically how much you can workout each week and when you reach that goal, you feel good. If you set an unrealistic goal and you don't meet it, it does more damage to yourself. When you set out to try and lose weight by changing and cleaning up your diet, you do so in a manageable way. Otherwise, you will continue to let yourself down and over the years it just compounds. That WAS me. The point is...whenever you let yourself down, it makes you feel bad. Of course, not being a woman of my word to myself and others feels terrible, but did you really know how often and how much you are actually living your life without integrity? This is an impactful word for me. I add it to my list of big meaning words: mindfulness, intuitive, acceptance, integrity and spirit.

Day 332......Feeling understood.

Day 332.....Feeling understood.

I have been learning a lot about different ways of thinking about things, especially, eating, body image, love, ways of thinking, etc. This article that was sent to me pretty much sums up what I deal with and how I am learning to get better. I am not going to say that I should have worked on these things first because.....it is, what it is. Getting back to a state of "just being" or at peace or knowing what my mind, body and/or spirit is needing at the moment is my goal. Enjoy this wonderful article written by a great woman I had the chance to meet and listen to last year. Thank you Michelle for referencing it and thank you Emily for writing a great article that truly speaks to me.


emilyfonnesbeck.com  I am not sure how to link, but the article was written 8/31/15 "Setting Healthy Boundaries in Eating Disorder Recover"

Day 331....."Because I'm Happy!!"

Day 331...."Because I'm Happy!!"

I am really conflicted.  I want to be honest and transparent about just how lonely, afraid, desperate, mad, etc., I have been over the last 4-5 months but I really don't want to go there. I am incredibly happy at the moment. I do have lots to be sad about: gaining 81 pounds back in a matter of 3-4 months, falling off the wagon HARD, letting myself down and everyone around me BUT....I can't live in that darkness at the moment. I have done some intensive therapy the last month. One of the many important things I have learned is that negative thought patterns create negative energy...PERIOD. (I know I have heard it a thousand times already). So let's just get real and know that gaining that amount of weight in that short amount of time is ABSOLUTELY lethal and you can imagine what my life looked like during that time. I choose life and now with the mental part being worked on, I feel unstoppable. I no longer have to burden my trainer and nutritionist anymore with my mental anguish (although, they never once made me feel I was burdening them).

Working out....check.
Eating clean......check.
Working on my mind.....check.

Happy!!!!

I am so looking forward to my body reflecting my athletic, active, adventurous, sexy, fun spirited, youthful, caring, loving, etc.,.... mind, heart and spirit.

I had the best time with friends this weekend in San Francisco.

Day 330.... Forty-seven week snapshot.

Day 330..... Forty-seven week snapshot.

Stats: Journey start date 10/8/14. Today's date 8/30/15. Age 41, Height 5'8",  Starting Weight 378.  Current Weight 358. Total weight loss 20 lbs. Measurements starting/current. Waist 56"/56.5". Hips 70"/67". Bust 56"/55". Right Thigh 34"/33.5". Left thigh 34"/33.5". Right arm 19"/18.5". Left arm 21"/19".  Right calf 24"/22". Left calf 24"/22".  10/8/14 Body fat 56%. 

Keeping up with the days and weeks I have been on this journey is getting confusing and complicated. My highest was in 2013 at 430 pounds. I have lost one hundred pounds two times now. But I haven't kept it off. There is one component that I have not addressed since being on this journey...and that is the mental aspect. I have worked on the fitness and worked on the nutrition but now I have completed two of three levels of an intensive transformation training that has been super helpful in getting me back on track and to this point.

I chose a different outfit to show my weekly snapshots until I get back to a new low. I will then go back to the other blue shirt/black pants outfit.