This speaks to me right now. I did not feel well in my tummy last night and I did not go to work. I slept most of the day because I was up a lot at night. I am feeling totally better and considered going to the gym. I was dressed and in my car but, I felt overheated. So..... I stayed home.
THIS IS CRAP!!!!! I said to myself that if I were to document this journey, I need to be completely honest. Grrrrrr..........In full disclosure, I ate some very bad things last night and I believe that is what caused this issue. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!! I WISH I KNEW THE TRIGGER OR WHATEVER...TO PREVENT IT NEXT TIME!!!! I am not going to go into details yet because I am now doing the worst thing ever to punish myself....I barely ate anything today. I know, I know,....the absolute wrong thing to do. But honestly, I was super sick and did not feel like eating at all. WHY DO I CRAVE AN OVER ABUNDANCE OF FOOD SOMETIMES!!??!! It was literally like I was a bottomless pit!!! No food was off limits!! Why?? Will I ever be able to stop feeling this way towards food?? Will food no longer have this power over me?? I really have enjoyed eating healthy and I love the way I have been feeling. I love the benefits!! Now I have wasted a day, felt shitty, wished away a day, for WHAT!!?? Each day is a gift and I spent it feeling bad about myself and sick. Why would I ever want to go through this again?? Last night's food desicions did not align with my long-term goals. Now I am afraid that the bad food will sit in my gut for awhile sending signals to my brain to start craving that crap again!!! I know that sounds weird but that is what I heard happens. Ha ha ha ha!!! I just want to feel normal with food. Ugh!!!!! Enough!!!! I don't want to be fat anymore. I am excited that tomorrow is a new day. I will eat back on plan and workout. I really don't know what to say.... I feel completely exposed and a little scared right now. People want to hear positive things and things that are inspiring and I feel I have let you and myself down. I want this to pass but I HATE WISHING AWAY DAYS!!! I am so sorry. Especially since I shared something sooooo positive yesterday. Even now I don't want to post this.
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